It’s wedding season, and the phrase “how to get a prenup” has been bouncing around in my head. I have been with my partner Tbone nearly a decade and we’re not married yet.
We’ve been focused on our personal financial goals (we each had student loans to pay off, and he cashflowed his master’s degree.) Now that we’ve knocked those major things out, marriage is likely somewhere on the horizon.
But I would never, ever get married without a prenup.
Marriage Without a Prenup is Outdated
Marriage has an image of being about love, but it’s really a business merger, and it always has been. European dynasties used marriage to seal alliances, prevent wars, and build legacies. Love was an afterthought.
While today people are free to marry without the weight of a potential war on their backs, marriage is still a merger. When you get married, the state assumes that you are now one legal unit.
Without a prenup, your financial life is largely decided by the state you live in.
And I don’t know about you, but I want Texas making absolutely ZERO decisions for me.
50% of US marriages end in divorce. While love is wonderful, it seems a little strange to me to ignore the fact that marriage is different than just being in love. And marriage doesn’t seem to work well for about half of the country.
Getting married in the 21st century without a prenup is outdated. Women in particular have come so far in regards to financial rights that not getting a prenup simply doesn’t make sense.
Prenups are a form of protection for each person in the relationship.
What a Prenup Means to Me
To me a prenup is a chance to do two major things:
1- Plan for potential bad times during the good times
Since we know that 50% of US marriages end in divorce, we know that for many relationships, love turns to…well, less than love.
Is that the time that you really want to be making decisions about money, pets, or kids? When you low key HATE your partner and are trying to get away from them? I know that I don’t.
It’s more fair and equitable for everyone to create a plan for bad times when you’re in the good times. This is especially important to me, because I out earn my partner and probably will for the rest of our careers.
I want to make sure that Tbone is not set up for financial failure even if our relationship ends.
2-I have a business I want to protect
Speaking of out earning my partner…I have a business that I want to protect! Thoroughly!
I have put years of hard work, tears, stress, and pride into Bravely Go. The thought that Tbone could be granted some or total ownership of my business in the case of a divorce makes me sad. And a little pissed!
Not having a prenup leaves my business open to being changed or taken from me if I ever get a divorce. ONLY a prenup offers me the chance to protect what I have been building since 2017.
My prenup will have very strong language and boundaries around my business.
How to Get a Prenup
The great thing about living in the digital age is that it’s easier than ever to learn about how prenups work and easier than ever to get a prenup.
Progress is truly a marvel. My grandmothers couldn’t open bank accounts in their own name when they got married, and I can get a prenup to protect myself without even having to leave the house.
“Kara, how can I get a prenup from my own home???” you’re probably wondering right now.
You can use HelloPrenup to create a prenup with your partner from your own kitchen table.
You sit down with your partner and review topics on HelloPrenup like bank accounts, debt, real estate, inheritances, and business ownership. You decide together what you’d like to be joint and what you’d like to be separate.
In my case, I could write into my prenup that my business Bravely Go is 100% owned by me, and in the event of a divorce 100% of past and future profits, as well as legal ownership, remains mine.
Tbone could write in that his workplace retirement plan and all assets and growth within that account, remain his in the case of a divorce.
After you go through every topic that’s important to you, you print out your prenup, sign it, get it notarized, and boom! You’ve just gotten a totally customized prenup without needing to leave your house.
You can also hire a lawyer to manage your prenup. (That means each of you need to hire a lawyer, not one for both. You each need your own legal representation!)
The lawyers will work with you and each other to iron out your details and write up a legal document that protects you both.
This article contains affiliate links where we may earn a commission at no extra cost to you. This money allows us to pay for things like website hosting and staff salaries.
Great advice. Too many people think it’s poor taste to bring up a prenup on such a happy occasion, but like you say either you can decide or can let the state decide. We insure our homes, cars, and life, and marriage seems as important as those as well. I discussed this on a podcast recently and it’s reassuring most millennials and people getting married today agree to at least consider it, in some form.